When we think about emotions, certain words often come to mind: anger, love, sadness, joy. However, when it comes to defining emotions and feelings, we can find ourselves at a loss. The term emotion has nebulous definitions at best, although it can be roughly defined as complex psychological responses to events or situations.[i] Feelings are the sensations that arise from these emotions. For simplicity, we will use the terms "feelings" and "emotions" interchangeably throughout this article.
Although defining emotions is a bit ambiguous, the ability to recognize our own emotions is something within our abilities, although doing still requires some effort. In fact, knowing our emotions is one of the basic elements of emotional intelligence (EQ). Let’s quickly recap what EQ is as we explore how to give emotions a name.
There are 5 basic components of Emotional Intelligence (EQ):
The first two components—knowing and managing our emotions—require a deep personal connection with our feelings. Naming our emotions is an important step in understanding and controlling them. Before diving deeper into how to identify our emotions, let’s look at some advantages that come from being able to label them accurately.
Understanding our own emotions is crucial not only for self-awareness but also for fostering deeper connections with others. When we struggle to express our feelings, it can hinder our ability to form emotionally intimate relationships, often resulting in misunderstandings. [ii] This highlights the importance of the first component of emotional intelligence: recognizing our emotions. This foundational skill serves as the bedrock for developing subsequent aspects of emotional intelligence. The more we understand ourselves, the better equipped we are to relate to others, ultimately enhancing our emotional intelligence and enriching our relationships.
One effective way to start identifying your emotions is to create a list. Begin by categorizing emotions into pleasant and unpleasant feelings. When you find yourself unsure of what you’re feeling, refer to this downloadable emotions list. Even if your emotions are not strong or are distinct, simply recognizing them is a step toward greater emotional awareness.
Another strategy for identifying emotions is journaling. Writing about your experiences and thoughts can prompt you to reflect on what emotions might arise from specific situations. Ask yourself, "What could anyone feel given these circumstances?" This practice can enhance your emotional awareness and understanding.
By paying attention to the physiological changes that accompany different emotions, we can gain valuable insights into our mental and emotional well-being. Recognizing physiological signals can help us address our emotional needs and seek support when necessary. Here are some examples of groups of emotions and some of their associated physiological changes. [iii]
This group encompasses a range of sad emotions, from mild disappointment to profound grief. This emotional spectrum can manifest in various ways, often accompanied by low physiological arousal, such as fatigue, low energy, and a sense of heaviness, or heightened arousal, characterized by intense crying or restlessness. Common thoughts during these emotional states may include feelings of hopelessness, loss, and inadequacy, often leading to a desire to withdraw or hideaway.
This group includes the various degrees of anger. Anger is another powerful emotion that can vary in intensity, ranging from irritation to rage. Typically, feelings of anger are associated with high physiological arousal, which may include increased heart rate, tension, and a sensation of heat or sweating. When experiencing anger, individuals often grapple with thoughts of injustice and unfairness, which can trigger the urge to lash out or attack.
This group looks at fear. Fear is a fundamental emotion that can manifest as nervousness, anxiety, dread, panic, or even terror. Like anger, fear is usually accompanied by high physiological arousal, including rapid heart rate, increased breathing, and physical tension. Individuals may also experience symptoms such as sweating, shaking, or a fluttering sensation in the stomach. Thoughts of vulnerability and helplessness often accompany these feelings, leading to a strong desire to avoid or escape the perceived threat.
Being aware of our specific emotional patterns can empower us to better understand and manage our emotional experiences. By recognizing these physiological signals, we can take proactive steps toward emotional well-being and foster healthier responses to the challenges we face.
Emotions have a chain effect of primary and secondary emotions. For instance, feeling nervous before a presentation (primary emotion) may lead to freezing up and making mistakes, which can lead to feeling shame (secondary emotion). In turn, this can result in avoidance behaviors, such as not wanting to face co-workers and experiencing further anxiety from self-depreciating thoughts. Understanding this chain can help you break the cycle of negative emotions, experience personal growth, and further develop emotional intelligence.
Primary emotions are immediate, instinctual responses to stimuli, such as happiness, surprise, fear, or sadness. These emotions serve as the body's first reaction to events and can help provide clarity about our needs and concerns. They can play an adaptive role, guiding our actions and even helping us connect with others. In contrast, secondary emotions are more complex reactions that arise after experiencing primary emotions. They are often influenced by personal experiences and societal conditioning, leading to habitual responses that can mask the underlying primary feelings.
Recognizing primary and secondary emotions involves self-awareness and exploration. To identify primary emotions, focus on bodily sensations, notice the quality of emotions, and distinguish between thoughts and feelings. Asking exploratory questions about the core of your feelings can also help uncover primary emotions. For secondary emotions, it is important to look beneath the surface to understand what primary emotions may be masked. This process may require patience and practice, as well as support from trusted friends or professionals.
It’s important to note, however, that though sometimes we may react instinctively, emotions should not fully guide our actions or dictate our perception of reality–that would be a cognitive distortion called “Emotional Reasoning”– but they can serve as indicators of the nature of our thoughts and whether or not they are truthful and helpful. When an emotion is recognized, don’t stop there! Dig a little further and ask yourself: what could I be thinking about this triggering situation that makes me feel this way? As you work on changing your thoughts, new (and hopefully more pleasant) emotions will follow, which in turn will help you break the chain.
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By becoming more emotionally aware, we gain insight into our internal experiences, enabling healthier responses and deeper connections with others. This awareness not only helps us avoid harmful coping strategies but also enhances our relationships through clearer communication and emotional honesty. As Daniel Goleman reminds us, “Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.” [v] Developing this skill fosters emotional intelligence, empowering us to reshape our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and ultimately lead a more balanced and satisfying life.
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Additional tools:
Are you Stuck with How You Feel
The Nedley Depression and Anxiety Recovery Program ONLINE
References:
[i] Kristenson, S. (2022). Emotions vs feelings: 7 important differences.
[ii] Gross, J. (2024). How to see your feelings more clearly.
[iii] Tolerating Distress. (n.d.). Centre for Clinical Interventions.
[iv] Guy-Evans, O. (2023). Primary and secondary emotions: What’s the difference?
[v] Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.
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